Thursday, January 20, 2005

 

feeling: joyous
cross-training: distributions
training: 1.5 temps

wonder what causes such vented up anger in people. one second (literally a second) they super sweet to you and the next, they're a monster. the worst of this happening is when that person can't communicate with you. Where's the resolution for it?

sometimes, you just need let go
sometimes, you just have to get out
sometimes, there's no if, and's or but's
you just do it.

posted by MJ 7:59 PM

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

 

BELLYKIM.COM back in Effect~!

posted by MJ 11:20 PM

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

 

Feeling: productive
Hobby: work
Besides work: hanging out w/ old and new friends
Hobby in progress: working out
Hobby in the past: drinks and smokes, tabacco

Met up with some buddies and brought my sis along, something I don't do much. It was when she lit that ciggy, hereinafter referred to a "cosmo," in front of me and among all my friends that I realized, 'something ísn't quite right with this.' I bit my tongue before being a hypocrite, but I coudln't help the fact that it bothered me. I think from there on I told myself that I need to put an extra effort to let go of the nonsense social smoking myself. It's been getting progressively worse, but I'm not addicted...guess it just means I gotta try harder.

...tired of being 'never being good enough' for the people closest to me. I don't think I've ever heard that they were proud of me or that I did something well. It's always been, "you should do better," "try a little harder" and "that's not good enough"....occasionally i'd get silent approvals. I think'I'm kinda that way too...So to keep this from being passed on, I suppose the first step is to recognize it. Alright... constructive criticisms and positive reinforecements from today forward! :)
Bedtime...
COngrats again Ivory and Jenny! Our first walnut buddy to be married!!! YahoO!!

posted by MJ 10:22 PM

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

 

Feeling: Strangely sublime
Visiting: Em from NY
VIsiting: Mom and Pops from S. Korea
Visited: Las Vegas
Will visit: my homeland...Korea!

I had a dream several nights ago...of a good friend of mine. He and I were spending our life together and I was comfortable, surrounded by happiness...shuttters..it's incestual.

A friend of mine shäred a quote earlier this week...

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable. "

C.S. Lewis

It kinda describes where I am now, but when I'm ready for love again and when it comes around I'll be kick-arse vulnerable!! Whoweee~! for love!!!

posted by MJ 9:50 PM

Sunday, November 23, 2003

 

FEeling: helpful
2 days: Em comes to visit (NY)
2 days: Mommy and Daddy comes (S. Korea)
Reading: The Purpose Driven Life- RIck Warren
Playing: Bach 9th symphony movement 2

I remember a year ago, I was in a state of chaos. I wanted my life to be balanced and I felt as if I had no control over what was going on in my life. I was pulled in one direction to another. These days it's still that way. I spend a majority of my time at work, a few hours with my friends and family, and less with myself. You know what though, I've accepted it. And I've learned that 'balanced' doesn't mean happiness. Because in order to balance things in my life means to have complete control over my life....but reality is you can't control everything around you. I live according to my values and beliefs and happiness and love and all good things and bad follow thereafter.

posted by MJ 7:46 PM

Friday, November 21, 2003

 

Feeling: flushed
2 hours: of sleep
Watching: Spirited Away
Nacional: Private party w/ on a weekday
Snack: bacon wrapped hotdogs!! yum!

THe pain of not only getting your heartbroken, but to be given false hope...I kinda feel played, but then again I let myself. I was a sucker...but it's a way for me to learn and grow. Although I'm feeling a bit of pain at this moment, I know for a fact in the long run I'll be much happier.
Dang...people can be quite heartless and inconsiderate of someone else's heart. But seems like it happens a lot in life, I'm guilty of it myself. BUt from failed relationships, I learn to be a better person.
For now, i hate myself for wanting to share each moment without him, with him, missing him, considering taking him back if he asked, letting him cross my boundaries, believing the things he said, and trusting the things he said,...dang...
So here's my optimistic view on all this...I finally let myself get quite vulnerable and hurt!...Loved like I've never been hurt before. ;)

posted by MJ 9:52 PM

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

 

Too many hours at work....I"m drained.

posted by MJ 11:41 PM